From The Saddest Person on Earth

Some days the sadness is so heavy I swear I might suffocate in it. Some days I cry so hard I can hardly come up for air.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the saddest person on earth.

Can I die from sadness? What if one day my heart pounds so hard in my chest that it just gives out? What if I cry so hard that my eyes start bleeding and my brain explodes. Is that possible? Would it be a painful way to go?

I daydream about throwing my phone on the ground so hard it breaks into a million little pieces so I’m never able to use it again. I’d like to set fire to whatever makes Wi-Fi work, so I can’t see what’s on the internet and I don’t have to worry ever again about what the internet sees of me.

I know there are people who want to see me fail. Sharing any part of my life right now feels like a point for their team. The hardest part is most of them used to be people I loved. If you let that thought sit too long, it’ll make you never want to know anyone at all.

Do they know I’ve been fighting to stay up for air?

So I tucked myself away in this little town where no one knows me, and I can disappear whenever I want to.

Lately I feel lost in a way that’s hard to admit out loud. Like everyone else got a map and I didn’t.